The inspiration for this article came to me after I

watched a video of a speech Marianne Williamson

gave on Feb 17^th, 2005, at the National Cathedral

in Washington D.C.  Some anonymous blessed soul

e-mailed me the link and I thank you whomever you

are.  To view it yourself, go to: http://media.cathedral.org/sc2005_williamson_dsl.wmv

Ms. Williamson is one of my favourite phenomenal

women, and I own a copy of nearly every recorded

talk she’s given and listen to them regularly.  But my

Goddess, this particular speech, given to hundreds of

women in a very important spiritual landmark in the

USA, absolutely blew me out of the water and is

definitely of the “goosebump” variety.  The only thing

I can compare it to in terms of electrifying intensity

and deep resonance is the feeling I get when I listen

to Aretha Franklin’s live recording of “Amazing Grace”. 

I get shivers up and down my spine and goosebumps

everywhere. 

I aspire to be a “queen” someday like Marianne and

Aretha and Bette Midler (to name just a few).  But

alas, I am still struggling to break free of the

“princess/martyr” dress that was designed for me

when I was very little.  Unfortunately, it is very tight

now and hard to wriggle out of, but it is becoming

looser as I continue to grow into the woman I was

meant to be.  And what exactly is it that I want to

be someday?  What is it that these “diva” or

“queen” women have that I haven’t yet fully

developed?  It can be summed up in two words:

COURAGE and CONVICTION

You see, the difference between the divas/queens in

question and myself is that they have given up the

terrible habit of second-guessing themselves all the

time and “shrinking so that other people won’t feel

insecure around them” (a fabulous line from a famous

Marianne Williamson poem).  To put it simply, THEY

OWN THEIR POWER AND USE IT TO MAKE THE WORLD

A BETTER PLACE.

What separates the princesses from the queens?  I

would say it’s one thing and one thing only: GUTS. 

Being a queen and speaking your truth take guts;

otherwise known as COURAGE.  It takes guts to

speak your mind when others disagree and will try

to knock you down.  It takes courage to protect

yourself and your children from harm by saying “NO”

when you are threatened with financial ruin,

abandonment, and loss of approval from others.

I have a theory and I’m sure it’s not unique. 

However, many of my clients find it helpful.  Here

it is: women get stronger, more resilient, and wiser

with age and as they do, old fears begin to melt

away and they find their true voice and stop

pretending to be the “perfect” wife, daughter,

mother, sibling, friend, etc. that they thought

they had to be.  In other words, they no longer

care so much about what others think about them.

To me, this sounds like Nirvana indeed!

I find this especially true of women going through

menopause.  I am blessed to have many of these

fabulous women as clients and they teach me so

much.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard

a menopausal client tell me that they’ve come to

a place in their lives where they’ve finally given up

trying to be ‘liked’ by everybody and that basically,

those around them can ‘ like it or lump it” (i.e., the

new woman they’ve become).

I tell you, I cannot wait for that day!  I’m sick and

tired of caring so much about what others think

about me or how they see me.  Granted, hot flashes

don’t sound so great, nor does lying in bed every

night unable to sleep staring blankly at the ceiling,

but the sense of coming into one’s own so profoundly

sure does.

And at the age of 36, I am well aware that menopause

may be a long way off.  So in the meantime, I am

doing my very best to become more courageous by

giving words to my convictions more and more.  I do

this in baby steps but am so proud of myself when I

succeed.  I also

encourage my clients to do the same and they too,

are experiencing more confidence and pluck as a result.

A recent example is of a very-pregnant woman who

wanted to have her baby with just her husband and

midwife and doctor there whose family insisted on

showing up to the impending birth.  With some support

and coaching, she was finally able to tell these family

members that this arrangement “wasn’t going to work”

for her and her husband and prevented a catastrophe

from happening.  Even though they didn’t like it, they

are honouring what she has asked for.  She is feeling

a lot calmer and in control as a result.

I’d like to leave you with some tips to help you access

your inner “lioness” and muster up the courage to

speak your truth…

Esther’s Top Five “Moving From Princess to Queen” Tips:

1. Try pretending you don’t care what others think
of you or say about you behind your back- your
brain doesn’t know the difference.  In other
words, “fake it ‘til you make it”.

Esther Kane, MSW, Registered Clinical Counsellor, is the author 

of “Dump That Chump: A Ten-Step Plan for Ending Bad Relationships

and Attracting theb Fabululous Partner You Deserve 

(www.dumpthatchump.com), and “What Your Mama Can’t or Won’t

Teach You: Grown Women’s Stories of Their Teen Years 

(www.guidebooktowomanhood.com). 

Sign up for her free monthly e-zine, Women’s Community Counsellor,

to uplift and inspire women at: www.estherkane.com.