By Patricia Raya

We have many relationships with all kinds of people for a variety of reasons. Those reasons however are less important than what relationships tell us about ourselves and our spiritual health. A key metric of spiritual health is the degree of peace we experience in our relationships. In actuality, we all desire peace, but we do not always practice peacefulness. The gap between desire and practice is where most of us fall short. We fall because we allow our ego to take control of our responses. The ego fiercely protects its illusions, so it argues, pouts, controls, and says and does things that intentionally hurt others, but underneath the dastardly deeds of the ego is the Spirit?s desire for peace and the Mind?s desire to be healed. Mending fences in relationships is a wonderful way to bring more peace in your life and improve your spiritual health and well-being.


Improving Your Spiritual Health

There are several things you can do within the context of your relationships to improve your spiritual well being.


1. Stop demanding perfection and control. Perfection is elusive, subjective, and unhealthy to expect from yourself and others. Seeking perfection creates extreme levels of stress, agitation, and anxiety. Underneath our desire for perfection is the need for control. No matter how hard we try, we cannot control others, nor should we. What we should be doing is looking in the mirror at ourselves and examining all the facets and ?raw? material of our personality with nonattachment. We must stop denying the shadow side of our personality because if we don?t the denial pattern will eventually corner us into isolation and loneliness.


2. Perceive every experience as an expression of love or a request for healing and help. Every moment brings the opportunity to choose a different perspective. It may seem na?ve to suggest that we have a choice to choose happiness and peace among the chaos of horrific circumstances, but the fact is we do. When we can look beyond the pain, frustration, and confusion of the physical realm and seek peace instead of answers, we find a refreshingly uncomplicated perspective. Learn to change your mind about what you perceive and seek and you will change what you get. Imagine that all your relationships are a holy connection where you have the opportunity to enjoin with another in the highest expression of love or in answering a call for help.


3. Let go of the payoff from pain. We hang onto pain because we get some kind of ?juice? or payoff from it. Acknowledge that your pain brings you some kind of value or else you wouldn?t hang onto it for so long. Taking responsibility for every aspect of your life and stop believing that you are being victimized by others is an important step in moving toward a healed and peaceful mind.


4. Embrace the teachers in life. Everyone and everything teaches us something. This doesn?t mean that we like it, that we don?t feel the insults and the hard lessons. It means that we can learn to focus on what our experiences can teach us. Too often we focus on what we don?t get or how we are injured, but more often than not, we really do get what we need, but we may not always get what we want. Acknowledge with gratitude and peace those in your life who have gathered to help and teach you.


5. Recognize that what we give to others we give to our self. When we give love to others, we give love to our self. When we give hate and anger to others, we so give to our self. It is impossible not to experience the very things we give to others. Learn then to give love more freely. Don?t wait for another to give first. Step out, dare not to hold back waiting for the other person to respond. Reacting to life saps us of our energy. Being present with life is empowering. Instead of thinking you ?need? something from others, believe that when you give, your needs are being met.


6. Forgive. Forgiveness brings relief. Hanging onto old hurts and grudges creates deep currents of stress in our mind, body, and emotions. The fact is when we learn to forgive we experience a tremendous release of pressure. All relationships will feel much ?softer? and more loving when we operate in a state of gratitude and forgiveness. When we learn to forgive one relationship, it seems that all our relationships begin to heal.


Patricia is a Consciousness Coach and Spiritual Teacher. For more information about her seminars and coaching services, contact Patricia at               602-787-9509        or http://www.patriciaraya.com/