Are you telepathic? If you are, it will not be necessary to read on. If you wish you were, keep reading. How many times a day do you expect something to be done, not done, said, or not said by your mate? It?s all the little things we assume are partner should know that disappoint us when they are not accomplished. Only the telepathic will know what is going on in someone else?s mind.

I like to wash the dishes right after dinner because I enjoy having my kitchen clean and orderly. One day it was my partners turn to wash the dishes after we ate. I expected he would complete this chore rather promptly. Just as I do; after all, he knows I like a clean kitchen. However, at 10:30 that evening, he said, ?I?m tired, I?ll do the dishes in the morning.? I felt disappointed, annoyed and angry because the kitchen was a mess. I didn?t verbalize my feelings, but my attitude towards him became ?cold.? My partners sensed my indifference and asked ?what?s wrong?? my reply was ?nothing!? He became quite, almost sulking and kept his distance from me. Before long, we were both snapping at each other over trivial things. The outcome of this episode was that we were both angry and the dirty dishes remained in the sink. Because I assumed he knew when I expected the kitchen to be clean, I set myself up for disappointment. Had I indicated what I expected to be done and in what time frame, more likely, the task would have been accomplished. We both would have been calm and peaceful. Now I tell you this incident occurred sometime back. At this point in my life I am able to communicate in a more appropriate fashion. Upon leaving the dinner table I would state ; I?d feel so happy if you would wash the dishes by 8:30 so we both could relax this evening. This scenario is relatively simple since I knew what I wanted, was able to state it and receive no resistance whatsoever from my partner.

In many instances, we have no idea what we expect from the other person. Think about it! It is of up most importance to be aware of what you want and learn to let the other person know. Next, is to be aware of your feelings (emotional and physical) when experiencing either positive or negative emotions, and to be able to share this. To fulfill your desire's as well as meet your partner?s realistic expectations, it is necessary to know what each of you expects and communicate that to one another. If you assume what the other person wants, you?ll only be gambling: You have a 50-50 chance of being correct. It is amazing to learn, sometimes many years into a relationship, that one of the partners has been doing something that irritated the other, without ever being aware of it. You choose to be with your partner because you experienced feelings of excitement and love. This is the foundation of your relationship. To maintain fulfillment we need to listen and talk to each other honestly and freely. This is called couple communication.

Roberta S. Ezratty, CBSW is a relationship counselor