Today i found out my nephew has stolen something from my house. I am very close to him and hes 19 and old enough to know better. The item he stole was $5.99 ?? Its something if he would have asked , i would have gladley given to him. We have alwasy been close so i dont understand this ??? I havent approached him with this yet though i do know for a fact he stole it. I just dont understand why. Him and i have been thru so much together and i have always considerd us very very close. Im more hurt than mad !! I understand kids do these things but he knows right from wrong. Part of me wants to tell him off good and proper and never let him back in my house and another part of me wants to hug him and ask him why when he knows i would give him just about anything i have. I have alot of nieces and nephews but have never had this happen from one this old. He is also my godson and the most closest to all the kids to me. Its not the amount of the item. I wouldnt care if it cost a doallar or a thousand dollars, my heart hurts. I could use any advise anyone has on how to approach this. Im not sure on how to approach this with him. We both can have tempers and i know going at him with anger will not solve it but i want an honest answer from him on why he feels lke he has to steal from me. I have been going over scenarios in my head. I have given him money, i have bought him clothes. He smokes pot but the item he took again is worth nothing ??? I have left money in his prescence, i have left things out in his prescence worth way more and he has never stolen anything so why this little trinket ?? Please again if anyone can offer advise please do because i really am hurt and not thinking clearly and i really want to handle this the right way.  :(

Thanxs Kellie

Oh, Kellie --- I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Sigh... KIDS!!!!

Well, I guess what my advise would be first is to not blame yourself - you've done everything right. What happened can't be reversed, so go forward and not backwards in your mind.

Part of growing up for everybody is exploring the boundaries. Not everybody swipes a little thing to see if they can do it or not; everybody explores boundaries differently. In the animal world younger male critters will "play" at challenging the pack leader in order to understand what that pack leader will allow out of them, or to see if they are stronger than the leader. They do little things - to test the pack leader...

Okay kiddo, that makes you the Queen Alpha in this situation. Saying nothing allows the activity to continue, fighting too hard can injure ties, you probably need a tone  in the middle somewhere.

I like smiles... Can you maybe joke convincingly at this young whippersnapper? Something like, "Hey, if you're done with my "x" can I have it back now? I need it for....".

That would let him know that YOU know, but allow him to give a joking answer back to save his dignity in his mind as he hands it back? Then, maybe come up with some loving words explaining how this can't happen again? But, words that will allow him the opportunity to move forward in your relationship without feeling like he can't face you any more?

I don't know if I'm saying this right. What I'm trying for is letting him stay okay in his mind - while you still get a chance to give the proper Motherly (Aunterly) talk about how thefts can land somebody in prison and how that ain't the place to want to try to be?  

Hugs!!! I'm sorry Kellie. This one is a toughie. KIDS!!! They should all come with instruction books...

Catherine 

My dearest Catherine

I want to say thank you !!!! I took your advise and it worked. There was no blow up and i gave him a way out but also let him know i dont like to think of him like that because we are to close. He told me really appriecaited my honesty instead of flippin out on him !!!! I of coursed cried when it was all over and he gave me my lighter back. that was the trinket how ever i kept it put up because it was a gift from someone special to me. He had a hard time looking me in the eye as we talked about it but when he apologized he looked right into my eyes and i seen sincerity there !! Again thankyou so very much . You are an angel and a good friend. Catherine you will be blessed many times for your big heart, honest opinions and your love for human pasion !!!!

How are you doing. I see thru the chat room you have high speed !!! zoom zoom zoom !!! Has your friends death been cleared up or is it still in that same situation ??

I have a weird ?? for you. Is there a difference in a weed that prouces flower and a plant or rose bush les say. Im asking because i just planted sum really pretty neon purple flowers in my yard and ive been told over and over they are a wed. i like them so thats really all that matters but was curious if there was a difference and thru you topic post i see you have a green thumb  !!!

Love Kell

That's great news Kellie! I'm happy that it all worked out okay. Like I said before; KIDS!!!!

Plants! One of my favorite passions, and my partner is the retired degree'd plant scientist. Together there's no way our houseplant collections would ever fit under the same roof... They simply do not make houses that big.

The term "weeds" is given to plants that folks don't like. They are plants too. And what one person does not like, somebody else does. Where people run into problems is when a plant that they like [weed] is listed on the invasive species list.

Our natural landscape environment has plants that grow naturally. When some plants from other places are introduced to grow among the natives, they try to take over so that the native plants die. Dandilions are not native to America - and you can see the mess that they cause after some pioneer brought some in for their garden and the seeds ran away to reproduce everywhere. 

So, when people tell you that you have "weeds" growing, they might mean plants not allowed because they are invasive species... or, they might mean that you have something that is just very easy to grow and it comes up on its own without help.

Neon purple??? I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE thistles!!! These are a no-no in many places under the invasive species list... Including here. So I have mine inside in a pot where nobody cares what the seeds do. Do your neon purple guys bite? Fine stickers all of the way up the stems with a bristly neon purple flower at the top?

If so, those are thistles -- native to Scotland and other places near that country. Pretty! No real care necessary type of flowers. They last forever here as cut flowers.

~ Sigh... I'm still dealing with parts of the estate problems, but at least I can be back online every day now while I'm doing it.

Have a totally wonderful week Kellie :) Zoom-Zoom-Zoommmmm Catherine