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~*~The Invitation~*~


It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare of meeting your hearts longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow. If you have been opened by life's betrayals or if you have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, with out moving to hide it, fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own. If you can dance with the wilderness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic or to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story your telling is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday and if you can source your life from Gods presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the moon "YES"!
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn't interest me to know who you are or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else fails.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in empty moments.

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer
hide his sexuality from his parents, went over
to their house, and found his mother in the
kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the
kitchen table, let out a big sigh,and said,
"Mom, I have something to tell you, I'm gay."

His mother made no reply or gave any response,
and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure
she'd heard him, when she turned away from the
pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay,
doesn't that mean you have oral sex with other men?"
"that's right,mom."

His mother went back to stirring the pot, then
suddenly whirled around and then WHACKED him over
the head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER
complain about the taste of my cooking again!

For single people, it can conjure up feelings of loneliness and frustration. Relationships are such an essential part of our life, and not having the ideal partner in your life can be a cause of unhappiness.



So how do you go about finding the right person? What is the best way to think about, approach and react to people you are attracted to? In this bulletin, I’d like to share a few ideas that can help you to improve your chances of meeting and connecting with the right person.



Start with Yourself

The first thing to do when looking for a partner, is to look at yourself and your life as it is. Many people mistakenly believe that finding the right person and having a relationship will somehow complete their life, or fill the void of dissatisfaction that they feel when single. This is simply NOT TRUE. If you need some evidence about this, then ask somebody who has been married for more than two years - they will tell you that a relationship only amplifies the quality (or lack thereof) of your lifestyle.

So the first (and possibly best) thing you should do, is start to improve your current quality of life. This can be anything from improving your appearance, health habits, social life, living environment or your career. Everything you do to improve yourself and your life will have a magnetic affect on other people. They will be more interested and attracted to you if you are happy with the life you lead.

Get Clear on What you Want



The second area where you can start to improve your attractiveness is to become clearer on what you want in a partner. Most people who are single (and not happy about it) do not take the time to define their perfect or ideal partner. Not knowing who your ideal partner is actually reduces the chance of finding them, as you don’t know what to look for. Remember that you can’t hit a target you can’t see.



So take some time right now to think about what you want in an ideal partner. Think about these types of criteria:



Appearance (taller, shorter, athletic, cuddly, hair color, eye color)
Personality type (social, private, serious, funny, charismatic, sincere)
Lifestyle (active, busy, career-oriented, family-oriented, hobbies)
Career type (professional, shift worker, traveling, lots of holidays)
Location (close to your home, live near the coast, mountains, city)



These are some basic criteria, but most importantly you must be clear about your relationship preference. This means you must be clear what type of relationship you want (casual, dating, partnership, marriage) and you must be clear that you want the same in a partner. That way if you meet somebody who meets all your criteria but your relationship preference style, you know not to waste your time.




Start Your Search



Once you are clear on what you are looking for, you can start to consider how to meet the perfect person. This is as easy as brainstorming places where they might spend time, or be interested in going to.

A great way to do this is to get interested in hobbies and interests of you own. This gets you out meeting new people and often you will meet potential partners through serendipity. As mentioned before, you can attract more people by having a fulfilled, interesting lifestyle of your own, and being involved in hobbies and activities is a great way to do this.



Tell Your Friends

Another powerful strategy that can work wonders is to tell your friends, family and acquaintances that you are ‘single and looking’. Most things in life happen as a result of the people we meet, or are introduced to, so use your current network to increase your chances of finding or meeting the right person.

Use Several Strategies at Once

One of the key problems single people complain about is having no decent ways to meet new people. While it can sometimes be hard to put yourself ‘out there’ as a single person, there is definitely no shortage of ways to meet people. Here are a few ways that have worked well for many years:


Online personals and chatting
Dating services, or ‘speed dating’ evenings
FriendWise.com which is FREE
Parties and events (hosted by you or by friends or family)
Hobbies, interests and special events (e.g. theatre, concerts)
Evening classes or university short courses
Bars, clubs, restaurants, cafes

The Next Step

Once you’ve found someone, or a few people you connect with then the next step is to 'ask'.

If you meet someone who seems promising then actually invite them to spend more time with you! You can’t just drop hints or hope they will notice you. If you spot someone even remotely like someone you want to spend more time with, ask them. Put yourself on the line, and you’ll find your chances of meeting the right person increases. A great way to do this is to think of an activity you really enjoy doing, and would like some company for, and ask them to join you. Some examples could be:

Would you like to go on a mountain bike ride this weekend?
Would you like to catch a movie?
Have you seen that new theatre show?
I know this place with great coffee. Want to join me?

Whatever suits you and your interests is a great opener, and you will be surprised how often other single people are happy to do things with you.

Get used to Dating, and Enjoying it!

Most single people dislike the dating process, as they feel they are on display like a product and that it is just a necessary evil to finding the right partner. This natural aversion to dating is often one of the main reasons why people stay single for a long time.

If you sincerely hope to meet someone you can connect with, then you had better start connecting with a lot of people. And the best way to do this is to get used to dating and enjoying the process.

Dating is a skill just like anything else. The more you do it, the better you get at connecting with people, and the more enjoy being out there. Plus the more you do it, the less you will fear meeting new people. And soon enough, with enough practice, you will meet the right person.

Be Patient and Persistent

The final factor to consider is that it takes time to find or achieve something worthwhile in your life. One of the main reasons many singles don’t find the right partner is because they give up too easily and too often. They get too emotional too early and forget that dating is supposed to be a fun search. Because of this, many singles tend to go through dating ‘spurts’ instead of using a consistent approach.

Two qualities that will help you more than anything are patience and persistence. The more things you keep trying, the more people you connect with, the more dates you have, the higher your chances of meeting your Mr. or Ms Right.

Think about it this way: how many dates would you be willing to go through in order to find your ideal partner? Ten dates? Twenty-Five? One hundred? The reality is you must be willing to keep doing it until you meet the right person. And if you do it patiently, persistently and with a sense of humour, you will find soon enough that you are no longer one of those people bemoaning another Day on your own. Who knows…in the process you might even start to have fun being single!

As you all know ;my husband and I we were excited on the new addition to our family. But We lost the pregnancy! We will try again and hopefully the next one will be a success! take care my friends!

As you all know; I have been through a lot since my surgery this past May! I died and I am still recovering.But through all this darkness once again I was given one more gift;I found out on Sunday that I am Pregnant! What a wonderful thing; A NEW LIFE! It is a true Miracle.My husband has never had any children(he thought he was Sterile)but now we know he was'nt...lol...He is so excited and so very Happy! This baby is both our gift from HEAVEN!

When the identity of 'sexual abuse survivor' no longer fits by:
Mariah Burton Nelson
--------------------------------------------------
Over the years, while coming to terms with the fact that I was sexually abused as a teenager, I embraced three different identities in relation to the abuse. Then, after a profound experience of forgiving the man who molested me, I decided not to define myself in terms of the abuse at all.

My first identity was "adulteress." The man who molested me was married, and my coach, and he framed it this way: We were having an affair. At 14, I was too naive to realize that my 25-year-old "lover" was exploiting me. I believed that I was an adulteress and felt terribly guilty and ashamed.

In my 30s, it finally dawned on me that the experience constituted not "an affair" but molestation and statutory rape. My identity changed; I became a "sexual abuse victim." This involved a major shift in consciousness, as I realized that I was not responsible for what had happened. On the one hand, it was a relief to know I was not at fault, but on the other hand, to acknowledge that I had been a "victim" felt humiliating. Nevertheless, "sexual abuse victim" seemed more accurate than "adulteress," so I welcomed the new identity and found solace and information by talking with others who also identified themselves as sexual abuse victims.


Regardless of how others may define us, we can decide how to define ourselves.



A few years later, feminism helped me reframe my experience once again. I heard and mbraced the new preferred phrase "sexual abuse survivor." Designed to empower, the term "survivor" did indeed sound stronger than "victim," and I'm grateful to whoever coined it. Seeing myself as a survivor gave me credit for something, albeit if only for continuing to live.

Then I forgave my molester, and my identity changed yet again.

After not seeing each other for more than a quarter century, "Bruce" called to apologize and to ask me to forgive him. Wary, angry, and mistrusting, I initially refused. Forgiveness was on his agenda, I thought, not mine. But then I celebrated my 40th birthday and began to wonder if I was going to go through another 40 years of feeling enraged about something that had happened to me in my teens. Maybe something has to give, I thought, and maybe that something is me.

So I called Bruce back, and over the next six months we exchanged dozens of letters, spoke on the phone many times, and met in person twice. Ultimately, I did forgive him, and told him so. The process transformed me. I felt free, not only from my rage about the past, but from my intense interest in it. Having traveled far from my original "adulteress" guilt, and then far from the "victim" helplessness, I now found myself transcending the "sexual abuse survivor" identity as well. Sure, I had survived that, but I've survived many things. The experience no longer seemed central to how I perceive myself.

As I pondered my changing identity, I began to hear in a new way how other people identify themselves: environmentalist, recovering alcoholic, lesbian, failure, ex-con, entrepreneur, hopeless romantic, widow, Christian, vegetarian, Republican.

A rich, middle-aged African-American friend, a partner in his prestigious law firm, said in response to my question about self-definition, "I think of myself primarily as a husband and father." That surprising reply reminded me that identity is a choice. Regardless of how others may define us, we can decide how to define ourselves.

One "sexual abuse survivor" I know was raped by her uncle when she was 8. The term "survivor" seemed empowering to her for a while, she said, but she doesn't use it now. "I'm not sure I've forgiven him, but I've accepted it as just one of many things that happened to me," she told me. "It doesn't take center stage anymore. It doesn't dominate the way I think about myself and my body. It's not sitting there at my core, defining me."

Nor does my sexual abuse experience define me. So who am I now? A forgiver? Even that feels too tied to the past.

These identities seem more appealing: author; speaker; athlete; courageous, honest, and kind (usually); female; ambitious; committed partner; friend; lover; and daughter, sister, and aunt. More important than the labels themselves is this realization: I can define (and redefine) myself however I want, rather than letting sexual abuse, or Bruce, define me. Here's the most accurate way to explain how I feel now, and how I see myself: I'm free.

The soldier stood and faced God,
Which must always come to pass.
He hoped his shoes were shining,
Just as brightly as his brass.


"Step forward now, soldier,
How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek?
To My Church have you been true?"


The soldier squared his shoulders and said,
"No, Lord, I guess I ain't.
Because those of us who carry guns,
Can't always be a saint.


I've had to work most Sundays,
And at times my talk was tough.
And sometimes I've been violent,
Because the world is awfully rough.


But, I never took a penny,
That wasn't mine to keep...
Though I worked a lot of overtime,
When the bills got just too steep.


And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear.
And sometimes, God, forgive me,
I've wept unmanly tears.


I know I don't deserve a place,
Among the people here.
They never wanted me around,
Except to calm their fears.


If you've a place for me here, Lord,
It needn't be so grand.
I never expected or had too much,
But if you don't, I'll understand.


There was a silence all around the throne,
Where the saints had often trod.
As the soldier waited quietly,
For the judgment of his God.


"Step forward now, you soldier,
You've borne your burdens well.
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
You've done your time in Hell."

~Author Unknown~

I've seen love lift people up
and carry them through pain.

I've then wished I could be a part of that pain,
...just to experience the love.

Sometimes the simplicity of a single glance
can create an emotion of extreme complexity.

Though love doesn't come in small portions,
Sometimes it's the heart that just takes in a little at a time.

It's amazing how love can make the size of one's heart
greatly exceed the size of one's body.

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